Distorted Perceptions

According to the dictionary, perception means an individuals understanding based on their senses. This understanding may not necessarily be correct as it is based on feelings or stories a person has heard.

In the Kenyan context, nowadays, being a single mother is an everyday thing. In fact my aunt from Shags has severally told me that it is better to be over 25years old with a child than 35years, childless and husband less.
I do not entirely agree with her but I must admit that life is fuller with Sonny by my side.

I appreciate my independence more when I meet with my miserable married friends, some of whom are battered by their husbands in front of the kids. I even have a friend who had a miscarriage after her husband punched several blows to her 5month old pregnant belly. Although I helped her move out to a safe place, one month later she was back with her battering husband who only gave her a week or two off before he resumed with the battering. I see no reason raising Sonny up to think that women are bunching bags or door mats.

Don't misunderstand, I am not saying that all marriages are miserable, am just saying that single-hood is also great. As a single mother my decisions concerning both my fate and that of my son are final. I don't have to bounce off my ideas to anyone unless its absolutely necessarily and mainly I only do it for advice and I consult an expert in the field. I don't have to listen to little white lies, question why someone is coming home late and most of all I don't have a fool telling me that need to loose weight, dress in a certain way and other related nonsense.

Sonny resembles his father in many ways. For instance he is very light/fair skinned while I dark- typical African look- but, so help me God I will not raise a coward who cannot take responsibility of his actions. I don't know the first thing about being a man, but I do know responsibility and respect.

Back to the perceptions issues. Many married women are withstanding a lot of crap from their husbands. Am not talking about the little tiffs and misunderstandings that happen in any relationship, am talking about physical   abuse and mistreatment as well as sexual immorality! Jesus himself allowed for divorce on grounds of sexual immorality (check it out in Matthew 19:9). These women stick it out in misery and pain thinking that they are doing it for the children. The truth that they do not say is that they think being a single mother seems like the hardest thing. This is just a perception. Single motherhood is fun! Parenting is not straight forward whether in marriage or in single-hood. But I believe that it is harder when you are wounded and not thinking straight. In a later blog I will talk about getting organised after the baby comes home (post natal) where i'l give a few tips on organizing yourself to get the most out of life and ensure your child is taken care of with or without the help of a husband.