It is so hilarious when I meet a guy who is showing some interest in me, with time as we continue to get acquainted, I break it to him that I am actually a mother. It takes less than 3minutes between the shocked/disappointed facial expressions, trying to remain calm and deciding that it is not worth it and bolting out the nearest exit. It cracks me up every time. At least it is an easy way for me to sieve out false starts before I take him seriously only to be disappointed.
I wear the title SINGLE MOTHER like a badge of honor. Anyway, as mentioned before, I am already a statistic. I love Sonny to bits and since he is already here, I am no longer just single I come with a package i.e. its a combo deal. So if a man cannot stand the heat he might as well get out of the kitchen!
So why do guys behave like cowards, yet they want to be respected. I say this in reference to men who are like SG (Sonny's dad). Its so easy for them to impregnate, so easy to recommend abortion, but so hard to be a father. Is responsibility that hard?? Or is responsibility wired into a woman's DNA but an acquired thing for men? These are the questions I ask myself. I see and hear stories of guys who sit back and wait for their wives to bring home the bacon. If this is a short term arrangement caused by job loss, illness e.t.c It's understandable, after all marriage is a team sport but if its a permanent thing where the lazy, couch potato man takes advantage of his hard working wife that's a whole other story... anyway I digress.
The other day I met a guy who had the charm of a prince and the swagga of a Knight in shinning armour. Needless to say I was smitten. From experience I know the existence of Sonny should come as a by the way a few dates later. I know a man reading this may be shaking his head and thinking that women are liars and wait for a man to invest emotionally so that the man is cornered. But that is not the case. I have learnt that the guys I meet although they show up for our 'dates' scouting for the possibility of a relationship, the revelation of Sonny in most cases results in a beautiful friendship.
I hope one of these days I will met a brave man who will love me for me, a combo deal, until then I will continue going for dates and acquiring friends, after all there is no such thing as having too many friends.
Sunday, 31 July 2011
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
One of the Hardest Times
A couple of months back, Sonny was hospitalized.
The longest five days of my life. Diagnosis: GASTROENTERITIS
In normal English the boy would diarrhea and vomit everything that went into his mouth. My first visit to the hospital, the doctor gave him something that did not work with him. Next day I took time off and took him back to hospital. At this point Sonny is so low, he isn't playing, eyes bulging, no tears when he cries, his skin looks like its sagging and only wants me to carry him.
Initially when we went back they diagnosed Rota-virus but I had taken him for both shots. The doctor recommended we discontinue the initial meds that had been prescribed and start on a new course of meds. I did not want to argue much with her though I told her I thought that the situation was more serious.
As a mother when it involves your child and its a subject you don't understand such as medicine, its better not to argue, you never know...
So despite the doctor finishing with us, Sonny and I did not make a move, when the nurse came back to tidy up I requested to see another doctor, I had nothing to lose - why go home to watch my son suffer and grow weaker in my arms? When the other doctor came half an hour later, after examining Sonny she told me something about dehydration and how dangerous it was for him given that for nearly 2days he had been losing fluid (the boy had not even gone for a short call all day). She quickly got me to sign admission forms as she and a nurse tried to look for a vein on Sonny so that they could insert the drip. Sonny is a fighter. Despite being so weak, they had to get a second nurse and I to help pin him down.
At this point tears are just rolling down my cheeks, I could not stand the amount of suffering this little boy was going through. As they wheeled him to the children's ward and settled us in for the night (for observation) I was overwhelmed by so many emotions.
The hardest thing any mother can go through is watch her child suffer, worst of all if there is nothing you can do about it. Sonny being a chubby boy, so getting a vein was always a problem. Throughout our stay at the hospital, he experienced a lot of pain every time there was blood in the drip or when he pulled out the needle.
Sonny and I spent 5 long nights at the hospital. I did not have medical insurance at the time, so one of my bosses at the time mobilized my work mates and with the assistance of one of my colleagues fund-raised part of the bill.
I learnt a lot about children during that time. I also learned the value of true friends, Sonny and I got closer, and I understood the strength of a woman.
I cannot say for sure if they admitted us because they wanted to get rid of the stubborn woman. Whatever the case, the whole ordeal resulted in Sonny losing 5 kg and a great phobia for doctors.
The longest five days of my life. Diagnosis: GASTROENTERITIS
In normal English the boy would diarrhea and vomit everything that went into his mouth. My first visit to the hospital, the doctor gave him something that did not work with him. Next day I took time off and took him back to hospital. At this point Sonny is so low, he isn't playing, eyes bulging, no tears when he cries, his skin looks like its sagging and only wants me to carry him.
Initially when we went back they diagnosed Rota-virus but I had taken him for both shots. The doctor recommended we discontinue the initial meds that had been prescribed and start on a new course of meds. I did not want to argue much with her though I told her I thought that the situation was more serious.
As a mother when it involves your child and its a subject you don't understand such as medicine, its better not to argue, you never know...
So despite the doctor finishing with us, Sonny and I did not make a move, when the nurse came back to tidy up I requested to see another doctor, I had nothing to lose - why go home to watch my son suffer and grow weaker in my arms? When the other doctor came half an hour later, after examining Sonny she told me something about dehydration and how dangerous it was for him given that for nearly 2days he had been losing fluid (the boy had not even gone for a short call all day). She quickly got me to sign admission forms as she and a nurse tried to look for a vein on Sonny so that they could insert the drip. Sonny is a fighter. Despite being so weak, they had to get a second nurse and I to help pin him down.
At this point tears are just rolling down my cheeks, I could not stand the amount of suffering this little boy was going through. As they wheeled him to the children's ward and settled us in for the night (for observation) I was overwhelmed by so many emotions.
The hardest thing any mother can go through is watch her child suffer, worst of all if there is nothing you can do about it. Sonny being a chubby boy, so getting a vein was always a problem. Throughout our stay at the hospital, he experienced a lot of pain every time there was blood in the drip or when he pulled out the needle.
Sonny and I spent 5 long nights at the hospital. I did not have medical insurance at the time, so one of my bosses at the time mobilized my work mates and with the assistance of one of my colleagues fund-raised part of the bill.
I learnt a lot about children during that time. I also learned the value of true friends, Sonny and I got closer, and I understood the strength of a woman.
I cannot say for sure if they admitted us because they wanted to get rid of the stubborn woman. Whatever the case, the whole ordeal resulted in Sonny losing 5 kg and a great phobia for doctors.
How it All Began...
The truth is everything starts in the mind. I remember wondering how it felt being pregnant especially when I saw pregnant women dragging their feet in town. I had just turned 30 years, a bit disillusioned by the many dreams that had not come true. In fact other than the phone calls from my siblings living abroad, it was the most boring birthday I have ever had.
When I called SG (father of the child) to ask him if we could meet, though we had not been having a casual fling I felt unsure of what his reaction would be. We had a few drinks but I could not sermon the courage. So as he was walking me to catch a Matatu, we walked hand in hand in silence/tension - could he sense the bomb that was about to explode- I just blurted out "Am pregnant!" To date I still cannot decide whether the look on his face was shock, disgust, disbelief or just indigestion. But I did not hear from him for a full week and when he called, it was to tell me that I like guessing a lot and that I needed to do a proper, professional pregnancy test, never mind that I had already done the home test (which according to him is jua kali).
So I complied. We met, went to a chemist- where I did another home pregnancy test and Surprise!!! am pregnant. This time SG was visibly and thoroughly angry. He stormed out of the chemist and left me there.
Two weeks later he called to apologise. I remember crying my eyes out as he talked about how we were not ready to get married given his perceived lower middle class status leave alone have a baby...at 30 and him 34 how much more ready can we be??? there are many ways of refusing to take resposnibility but this was as lame as it gets.
He even suggested that I have an abortion. Of course he would cater for everything and he knew a nice safe place...blah blah in between the sobs I heard very little, to me the conversation ended when he suggested I have an abortion. Of all the rules in the bible this is the one I was not ready to break, ignore the fact that I was already fornicating which also disobeys the bible! What SG did not know is that despite the embarrassing situation on my own or with him, I had already made up my mind to keep the baby.
I called CN who was already a single mum. Her reassurances that these things are kawa and that 90% of the girls in church are pretenders was comforting. She also told me that the best thing I could do for myself and the baby was to join an Internet community (in Kenya though we- single mums are now a common phenomenon, there is little or no support for single mums except each other and of course the Internet).
Sonny (my son) is turning 2 this August. The minute I accepted my lot was the day I loved the boy whole heartedly with no reservations. This unexplainable love has helped me defend him and myself from negative people and hurtful words. When I made up my mind to succeed in my new status, life became beautiful and fulfilling.
Single motherhood is and can be scaring when you are at the crossroads of decision. If you are a single mum I would urge you to keep and love the baby. In Kenya children are seen as 'his' but the child/pregnancy is only half of him, the other half is you. It takes two to make a baby. Make up your mind to be the best mother you can be then sit back and watch the pieces fall into place.
When I called SG (father of the child) to ask him if we could meet, though we had not been having a casual fling I felt unsure of what his reaction would be. We had a few drinks but I could not sermon the courage. So as he was walking me to catch a Matatu, we walked hand in hand in silence/tension - could he sense the bomb that was about to explode- I just blurted out "Am pregnant!" To date I still cannot decide whether the look on his face was shock, disgust, disbelief or just indigestion. But I did not hear from him for a full week and when he called, it was to tell me that I like guessing a lot and that I needed to do a proper, professional pregnancy test, never mind that I had already done the home test (which according to him is jua kali).
So I complied. We met, went to a chemist- where I did another home pregnancy test and Surprise!!! am pregnant. This time SG was visibly and thoroughly angry. He stormed out of the chemist and left me there.
Two weeks later he called to apologise. I remember crying my eyes out as he talked about how we were not ready to get married given his perceived lower middle class status leave alone have a baby...at 30 and him 34 how much more ready can we be??? there are many ways of refusing to take resposnibility but this was as lame as it gets.
He even suggested that I have an abortion. Of course he would cater for everything and he knew a nice safe place...blah blah in between the sobs I heard very little, to me the conversation ended when he suggested I have an abortion. Of all the rules in the bible this is the one I was not ready to break, ignore the fact that I was already fornicating which also disobeys the bible! What SG did not know is that despite the embarrassing situation on my own or with him, I had already made up my mind to keep the baby.
I called CN who was already a single mum. Her reassurances that these things are kawa and that 90% of the girls in church are pretenders was comforting. She also told me that the best thing I could do for myself and the baby was to join an Internet community (in Kenya though we- single mums are now a common phenomenon, there is little or no support for single mums except each other and of course the Internet).
Sonny (my son) is turning 2 this August. The minute I accepted my lot was the day I loved the boy whole heartedly with no reservations. This unexplainable love has helped me defend him and myself from negative people and hurtful words. When I made up my mind to succeed in my new status, life became beautiful and fulfilling.
Single motherhood is and can be scaring when you are at the crossroads of decision. If you are a single mum I would urge you to keep and love the baby. In Kenya children are seen as 'his' but the child/pregnancy is only half of him, the other half is you. It takes two to make a baby. Make up your mind to be the best mother you can be then sit back and watch the pieces fall into place.
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